Nigeria, Cameroon and the Central African Republic (1/2)
This post is part 1 of the "ng-cm-cf-2023" series:
- Nigeria, Cameroon and the Central African Republic (1/2)
- Nigeria, Cameroon and the Central African Republic (2/2)
I spent about 3 weeks exploring the central African nations of Nigeria, Cameroon and the Central African Republic (CAR). It was a good, but rather chaotic trip. Central Africa is a fascinating, crazy, beatiful part of the world. What follows is the time spent in Nigeria.
Day 0
i discovered that there are americans who have not passed through an airport since 2001. as i'm in line at security, this older woman is at the front of the line with multiple bottles of water. she is struggling to grasp every part of the process. and she is blissfully unaware that she cannot pass security with the water. to the extent that she tried to push them through the xray machine. the TSA goon freaked out and gave her a stern lecture, ordering her to throw them away. which she decided meant, drink from each bottle and try again. the line behind her is growing while this drama plays out. now the TSA goon is furious, grabs 1 of the bottles, out of her hand, and slam dunks it into the trash and orders her to do the same with the 2nd bottle. she decides that she can solve this by attempting to drink the remainder. of course she is drinking very slowly. TSA removed all of her stuff from the belt, and after a few seconds they physically escorted her away.
a half hour before boarding there was an announcement that all passengers in zones 4 & 5 were required to check all bags because the flight was full. seemed like a bunch of nonsense, especially considering how some items cannot be checked (batteries). no one volunteered to get checked though. thankfully, I was in zone 2, and boarding went fairly quickly. we pushed back a few minutes early. thanks to the jet stream being in turbo mode over the atlantic this time of year, we had one hell of a tailwind, and landed an hour early. of course there was no gate ready and we sat for 20 minutes, finally pulling up at 10:20am
Day 1
CDG was fine. I got lunch and killed time until my 16:25 flight to Lagos. Boarding was chaotic. they had the self service gates, and my boarding pass was rejected. somehow my seat number did not exist on the plane. I was still in premium economy, on the aisle, so I didn't care much. before we even pushed back, a boy across the aisle (maybe 10) puked all over his older brother.
The flight departed mostly on time, and they did dinner service not long after. It was actually pretty good food (for economy). I got pasta with a mushroom hazelnut cream sauce, and the dessert with a dark chocolate cake. I dozed a bit during the flight. we landed about 20 minutes early. then taxied very slowly for a while, and seemed to be done. everyone was out of their seats, and they announced that the plane was 5 meters away from the jetway. but they didn't try to make everyone get seated, and the plane inched along.
the jetway was a metal tube exposed to the 86F humid night air. the terminal had no AC and no windows, making it stifling. each gate gate enclosed in floor to ceiling glass, with its own security.
there were moving walkways, but they were all broken. passport control started with the stupid paper entry card form, and then a series of people at counters stamping stuff.
surprisingly, the arrivals hall had 9 ATMs, but all of them were out of cash. thankfully, my driver found me, but there was a 15 minute walk to the car to avoid the crowds & traffic.
the drive to the hotel was going down a series of dark, potholed streets, with multiple u-turns. checking in took over 20 minutes because randos kept cutting the line. despite it being nearly midnight, lots of people were waiting to checkin.
Day 2
I slept really well until 9am. I could have actually slept even longer, but I didn't want to skip the hotel (free) breakfast when I had no Nigerian currency to buy food with yet. The buffet was fine. Fairly normal stuff overall. There were scary cubular hotdogs, hard boiled eggs, bits of chicken in a red sauce, white rice, and what I assumed was scrambled eggs. The chicken red sauce thing was good, even spicy, but it was full of bits of chicken bones. The scrambled eggs might have been some weird tofu thing, but tasted like nothing.
The hotel lobby had an ATM, but it too had no cash. I looked on google maps, and it claimed there were 5 different ATMs within a 10 minute walking radius of the hotel. I figured I'd go for a walk, explore the area and hopefully get some cash. Of course the road had no sidewalk, and was in crappy condition, so it wasn't a leisurely stroll. Plus the heat & humidity. Yellow tuktuks were buzzing by, in addition to cars. I ended up trying ATMs at 5 different banks. Amusingly, 3 of the banks that Google claimed existed were not there, and another 3 that google didn't know about were there, in completely different locations from the 3 that were gone. The very last bank's ATM actually had Niara, but it would only dispense in 1000 note bills, which is basically US$1.25. I got out 25,000 (about $30) which was barely 10% of what I ideally wanted. Nick, the tour leader, says that we can exchange money (somehow) tomorrow, so this should hold me over. I assume everyone else will be in the same situation. The walk wasn't a complete waste, as I did see a few oddities worth photographing. Like an intentionally headless statue, and a Jehovah's Witness Church that was shutdown by the govt for failing to pay taxes (a sign explained).
Everyone met in the lobby at 7pm for dinner. Its a fairly diverse group with 4 americans, 2 hong kong, 5 british, 1 canadian, 1 slovak, 1 czech, 1 greek. there are 3 doctors. 4 are also going on the cameroon/CAR tour. dinner was at a place called Yellow Chili, which was Nigerian food. I got Egusi, which is made from ground pumpkin seeds, spinach, shrimp, with smoked fish & fufu. it was ok, but not much flavor.
Day 3
I slept ok until 7am. breakfast was nearly identical to yesterday, which was disappointing. A bunch of people from the group were also eating, including Paul from HK. He was attempting to garner sympathy for how far away he traveled to get here, focusing on the 7 hour time difference. When I commented that i'm 9 hours difference, he stopped complaining.
We departed at 9am. We drove south across the 2nd longest bridge in Africa (11.6km) to Lagos Island. The first stop was the National Museum. It had seen far better days. A bunch of wooden cabinets with old, dusty artefacts. The guide spoke quickly with a heavy accent. After an hour only 3 of 15 people were left listening. Beside the museum was a garish playground funded by the US State Dept, full of bizarre American propaganda. There was a pyramid with the names of the states on all 4 sides. There weird plaques with Steve Jobs and Conan O'Brien. It was so very strange.
Afterwards, we drove to the marina, and got on a dodgy boat with 32 bright orange seats. We headed west through the Lagos shipping channel. We passed huge cargo ships, and gas terminals. Then the coast filled in with jungle. About an hour along we were detained by the Nigerian Navy, and they were pissed off. They had their guns out, as if we were smugglers. They decided that we were guilty of not wearing life vests and filming the naval base. Its true that no one was wearing a life vest, but no one filmed them. They demanded everyone's passports, and then interrogated/yelled at the local guide. At one point they demanded that we pay a fine, but the guide talked them down. All while this was happening, random locals coasted by without life vests too. After 40 minutes, they let us go.
Another 10 minutes and we reached the town of Badegry. This was the equivalent of the slave gate of no return for Nigeria. We wandered through the town, making multiple stops at different museums and historic sites over the course of 4 hours. It was interesting, except for the brutal humidity & heat which were inescapable.
Lunch was not until 14:00, at a small Nigerian food place, where I had chicken with jollaf rice. It was ok. Next we got back on the boat and started working our way back east towards Lagos. We made one last stop at the town of Topo. We met the chief, and then saw a mask dance performance. Some guys were playing drums with huge cow bells, while older women danced. Then two dudes in huge colored ghilly suits came out and started whirling around. It was kinda cool to watch, but I suspect it was staged just for us.
At this point it was 16:30, and we got in the boat and headed back to Lagos. We stopped briefly at the Navy checkpoint and gifted them some alcohol, which got them to smile and give us a thumbs up.
Overall, it was a nice day, but this humidity is brutal.
Dinner was a seafood place called Ocean Basket. It was kinda the Nigerian Red Lobster (with sushi, no less). Most people got fish & chips. I got kingklip with chips & salad. The fish was actually really good. the chips were fine, but we asked 4 times for ketchup and it never came. the salad was half sliced soggy cucumbers, but was ok.
Day 4
I didn't sleep well because the room was hot and the AC barely worked. thankfully going to a different hotel today. I was up for the day at 6am. the power flickered on & off several times. my shower was hot for barely 2 minutes, which was just enough to get clean. Breakfast was fairly similar to Lagos, which is to say disappointing.
We departed at 8am. The drive was fine for the first hour, but then road conditions degraded. We stopped at 10am to buy snacks, and I got fried plantain chips. It took another 2 hours to reach the city of Ile-Ife (pronounced as eelay eefay). Most of that drive was through rural areas.
The first stop was the palace compound of the king. It was a large compound with many vehicles. First we saw the tombs of the two previous kings. Then we had a meeting with the king. Then we learned about their judicial system, and visited their equivalent of the supreme court, which involved bowing & greeting the king. At one point we had to remove our shoes and walk across searing hot stones.
Afterwards, we visited a series of temples & shrines. Each of them required an offering of "Seaman's Premium Schnapps" and a very long winded mythological story, that had to go through a translator. It dragged on and on. We finished the last stop just before 15:00 without lunch.
Then we had an hour drive past massive palm oil plantations to the Ideal Nest hotel, where we are spending 2 nights.
Dinner was a fiasco. We went to one place, they took drink orders and then ghosted us. After 30 minutes they admitted that they wouldn't serve us. We went to a different place, which brought out a handwritten menu which was supposed to be the 7 items that they actually had. Everyone ordered, and food trickled out over the next 2 hours. The actual food was not horrible, but definitely not good.
Day 5
Despite loud music and nearly a dozen power outages, I slept relatively ok, mostly due to good AC blocking out noise and keeping my room cool. I was up for the day at 7:30am. Breakfast was very sad. 5 'buffet' items (one of which was white bread), plus tea/coffee. I got an omelette and bread, and there was a piece of plastic in it.
We departed at 9:30am for the UNESCO Osun Osogbo Forest. Its one of last remaining old growth forests. About 20 years ago, an Austrian artist started creating massive clay/mud sculpture inside the park. They are all sorts of fantastical creatures, 6 headed humans, mermaids, weird disfigured creatures with limbs in odd locations. Beyond that, there were monkeys, and a pretty meandering river (with a foot bridge from 1935). We finished off by being subjected to a glorified carnival act. There were drummers, dancers, acrobats, and a guy doing crude magic tricks with fire eating. It dragged on for nearly an hour, with obligatory tipping at the end. The forest was nice though.
Afterwards we drove back into town for lunch at Chicken Republic, the Nigerian version of KFC. It was good, spicy fried chicken.
Much of the afternoon felt like killing time. We visited what looked like an old haunted house, with actual bats in the huge tree. But the owner wasn't around, so we couldn't go inside. We went to a shrine for a river goddess, where several priestesses were laying around saying prayers. Then an 'art' gallery which was full of mediocre art.
We went to a locals place for dinner called Embassy. It was very good Nigerian. I got egusi with goat & fufu, and it was nice & spicy. I keep forgetting to mention how cheap food is here. My entire dinner, including beer, was about $3.
Day 6
I slept ok, and was up for the day at 6:45am. breakfast was again sad & rationed food.
We departed Osogbo at 9am. We were supposed to drive for 90 minutes but it ended up being nearly 2 hours until our first stop in Essie. That was the (first) national museum, on the site were several hundred carved stone statues were excavated. It was fairly impressive, as each figure was around two feet tall, and they were all unique in appearance.
Next was another hour's drive to Ilorin, where we pulled into a large shopping center for lunch. It had KFC, Domino's pizza, and a bunch of other places. I ended up going to a place called Edibles, which everyone found endlessly entertaining.
Afterwards, we drove through the city for a bit, and entered a residential area. We got off the bus, walked past homes, schools, shops to a crude industrial area. Spread out in a large courtyard was a loom weaving area, making traditional clothes. And there was a lot of child labor. One street over was setup for making clay pottery. The heat was insane, and the women were working away doing every stop of the process by hand. The non working kids were super friendly and curious. Everyone else looked justifiably miserable.
After that we battled horrific traffic to get to Ilorin Central Mosque and the palace of the Emir of Illorin. We are firmly in the predominantly muslim part of the country now. The mosque looked sufficiently large & impressive from the outside. The palace was kinda generic and boring, other than a stable full of malnourished horses out back.
At this point it was nearly 4pm, and we needed to get to the Ilorin airport for our Overland Air 18:05 flight back to Lagos. Traffic was once again horrific. At one point, our armed guard got out and started yelling at people to clear the road. Even that didn't help, and we made a u-turn to attempt an alternate route. We reached the airport just after 4pm. The terminal was basically dead, and I got my tiny paper slip boarding pass, and cleared security easily. The single bus gate terminal was way nicer than I expected, it even had free wifi.
Of course the plane arrived 30 minutes late. It was an ancient 70 seat prop plane, boarding from the rear, with no AC. i think i sweated several liters during the 40 minute flight. We landed in Lagos at 19:30. Bus gate shenanigans, then the terminal to the bus. Another 15 minutes to the Radisson, where we spend the final 2 nights in Nigeria.
Day 7
i slept ok until I was awakened by a spam call at 6am. The hotel's buffet was pretty good.
We headed out at 8am. It rained overnight, and many streets were flooded. Somehow the humidity was even worse. The first stop was the floating Makoko lagoon village. Getting there required walking through sewage flooded, mudy alleys, which was about as much fun as it sounds. Then we got in a small boated and floated past the village life. Sorta like Ganvie (Benin), but with way more trash, and lots of naked kids. It was interesting in an abject poverty sort of way. Of course we also needed to meet the village chief. On the walk back I somehow managed to sink my right foot into a mound of sewage. It was awful. I rinsed off my foot, but still.
Next we drove south, all the way across the long bridge, then through Victoria Island (the posh area), and finally out to Lekki. We did the Lekki Conservation Area's canopy walk. For some reason, the visitor's center had two peacocks chained to an AC unit, and a tortoise in a sand pit. The walk was the same concept as the Kudum Forest walk that I did in Ghana. However this one was inferior in nearly every way. Not as high up, way more unstable. And the humidity was brutal.
We went to Chicken Republic (again) for lunch, then wasted an hour at a stupid souvenir mall. The drive back to Lagos took over 3 hours due to horrible traffic.
Day 8
i slept ok, but not enough. I was up at 4:30 for my 6:30 flight to Abuja. No traffic on the route to the airport. The terminal was a circus. The line for checking into our Dana Air flight to Abuja was quite long and slow. Security was fine, and even let me keep my water, but forced shoe removal. The plane was an ancient MD80, in a weird 3/2 seating configuration. The flight was fine. No service for the 45 minutes. Thankfully the AC actually worked this flight. For some bizarre reason they handed out snack boxes as we exited the plane. Then we walked about a minute across the tarmac to the hot terminal. Two of the 5 in our group had checked bags to retrieve.
Nick did not come to Abuja, so it was just the local tour guide and driver for the day. We stopped at a mall not far from the airport, to buy snacks at the Shoprite. Somehow that dragged on for a half hour. Also the AC did not work in the van, so it was miserably hot all day.
The scenery is very different up here. Far fewer trees, less green, more dusty, and more hills.
After we drove a bit further, and visited a Fulani (cattle herder) village. The visit was nice. Of course we saw all their cows, sheep & goats. But also they were in the middle of the corn harvest. Everyone was busy helping with the entire process, including grinding into corn meal. We saw their traditional homes. They also let us sample fresh cow's milk (with added millet & sugar).
Next was one of those lame tourist markets where every stall has the same junk, and the sellers are aggressive. It was 30 minutes of wasted time, and the others bought junk.
We went to a village on the north side of Abuja to see a pottery workshop, that apparently Bill Clinton visited in 2000. It was actually really nice. They did a demonstration of the old/traditional method, and also the modern process.
Next we headed back into the city to visit the national mosque. This may have been the highlight of the day. We got guided tour of the largest mosque in the country (3rd largest in Africa). It holds 15k people at friday prayers. It was built in the early 1980s, but is well maintained and looks quite nice.
After that was a trip back to the airport for my 17:10 flight to Yaounde. The drive took 30 minutes, and went fine until we got to the airport and then it was chaos. First, the driver upset the guy at the military checkpoint by not speaking loudly enough when asked 'where are you going?' We got pulled over to inspect the inside of the van. Then the driver got lost trying to find the international terminal despite multiple huge signs.
Finally, I was dropped off, and had to cross a pedestrian overpass with 4 separate checkpoints. It was the usual security theater nonsense (asking where I was going, looking at my passport, xray) plus some poor guy writing down everyone's ID info in a notebook. Finally in the nearly deserted actual terminal, I found my check in counter with just 4 people in line. Fool that I am, I figured this would be easy. NOPE. There was just 1 person behind the counter, and she was ssssslow. Ten minutes of waiting and the line did not move. The people at the counter were arguing over taking 3 carryon items, plus 2 checked bags. Finally progress, except they were demanding the next guy produce proof of onward flight, and he couldn't find it. A few more minutes and they asked the lady in front of me for her passport & visa. She's Australian, somehow going to Sydney via Cameroon, and they wanted her proof of onward flight too. She had it handy (1st guy was still searching, while blocking the actual counter). After 20 minutes of waiting it was my turn. Same routine, plus they were insisting that my 12.5kg of bags were over the 7kg carryon limit, even though I had nothing to check. Then they spent time struggling to read my AirFrance email for the flight home. Eventually, I just pleaded to not check the bag, and she caved with a warning for 'next time'.
Finally I had a boarding pass, and now it was gauntlet of people demanding to inspect it while asking me thr same questions repeatedly (where are you going, do you work in Nigeria, how are you, etc). I finally got stamped out, cleared final security, and entered the gate area, 40 minutes after arriving. Of course there was almost nothing at the gates, beyond duty free, and a sad food stand. I bought some water, 2 meat pies (basically hot pockets), and killed time. Then a massive thunderstorm rolled in. At one point, the rain was so heavy that I could not see the end of the jetway from the window. Also my flight departed Lome (Togo) 35 minutes late (better late than never, as this flight only runs 4 days/week, not tomorrow). Oddly they started the boarding process nearly 30 minutes before the flight landed. But its one of those holding pen gates, so hopefully this makes real boarding faster. The plane ended up arriving 75 minutes late.
My flight pushed back at 18:34, taxied for a few minutes and then sat. Nothing happened for another 24 minutes. No announcements, just sitting in the darkness & rain. Finally we moved at 19:07, and took off, as if it were normal to take a half hour to get off the ground. The flight was maybe 2/3 full. Thirty minutes after taking off, they came through with a sad sad meal service. Baby baguettes barely the length of my hand with some shredded carrot & chicken pieces (not even half full), with a cube of brownie. I ate it, because I literally ate zero real meals today. I left the hotel too early for breakfast, skipped lunch to make my flight, and dinner never happened because of the flight.
Thankfully the Cameroon evisa/VOA worked smoothly. The ATM in the arrivals hall also worked so I was able to get out the cash I wanted. I found the person with the Lupine sign, but had to wait for 2 more people. The 2nd came out not long after me. But we waited a half hour and the 3rd never showed up. Just as we were giving up they called the driver. This person somehow ended up outside the departures hall, and had been standing there the entire time.
The drive to the hotel took nearly 40 minutes mostly due to traffic at 10pm. The hotel is, plainly, a complete shithole. The biggest issue is that they seem to be hosting a party, and literally every room on every floor is getting the music blasted super loud. But there's also the fact that my bathroom doesn't even have space for a shower its so small, so i'll be standing in a space the size of a coffin. Also, no toilet seat. Also, no bottled water provided (i had to go to the supermarche downstairs to buy 2x 1.5L for about 80 cents). Also, none of the power outlets worked until I complained and they played with the fuse box. Also, no wifi (thankfully my data is working). Also no blanket on the bed. Two nights in this dump now, plus 1 more at the end. So tired.
All trip pictures are posted HERE.
This post is part 1 of the "ng-cm-cf-2023" series: